Drake – More Life: So Much Background Noise

Drake – More Life: So Much Background Noise

So Drake recently released his latest…thing. Is it an EP? No, it’s too long for that. Is it a mixtape? No, there’s a bit too much production value from the multi-millionaire pop star for that. Is it an album? No, because that’d imply that there’s actually been a significant amount of effort put into it. It seems more like a collection of B-sides than anything. Y’know, those songs that don’t get put on an actual album ‘cos they’re a bit shit. Okay, that’s harsh, being a B-side doesn’t necessarily mean a song’s bad. But there is a higher chance.

To be fair, there’s nothing on this “playlist” (as Drake calls it, the pretentious git), that’s offensively bad. The production has a very smooth and laid back quality to it and it’s easy listening.  But there’s nothing that jumps out at me. There’s nothing that’s making me go “Oh fuckin’ hell that’s bloody good that is”. Nope. It’s just sort of…there. The instrumentals are at best pleasing to the ears, and at worst, are nothing-y. If you want to just have some background noise whilst you’re relaxing or doing something else, you could do a lot worse than this. However, if you want to actively listen to music, then I’d find something else if I were you.

Because if you listen to this actively you’ll notice that Drake is bizarrely trying to incorporate London slang into his music as well as his attempts at Patois. The word “wasteman” or “ting” sounds alright when someone like Giggs or Skepta uses it, but when it comes out of Drake’s mouth it sounds all kinds of wrong. I’m not against trying to incorporate bits of music from other countries, but do that by having features or just take purely instrumental inspiration. If Drake had been significantly involved in London street culture like grime artists have, then it’s fair game, but otherwise, nah. Sounds weird.

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I would tell you in which songs he uses this slang, but in all honesty, I can’t remember (I think the ones which feature Giggs?), and I can’t be arsed to go through all the tracks again. They all blend into this amorphous mass of fairly pleasant but characterless rap/dancehall. Apart from the Skepta Interlude and KMT ft. Giggs, which come sort of out of nowhere. These are also two of my favourite tracks as they sort of move away from the anonymous vibe of the project and are basically grime songs (obvs). And y’all know this middle class white boy loves his grime.

I’m not really that fussed about talking about this anymore as there’s not really much else to say. I just hope Drake’s next project is something a bit more exciting.

Fave tracks: KMT ft. Giggs, Skepta Interlude, Gyalchester, Portland ft. Quavo & Travis Scott

Worst tracks: Since Way Back – PARTYNEXTDOOR, Glow ft. Kanye West, Lose You

Overall rating: 5.6/10

Would I recommend? – My response to this question is…eeeeeeeh? Like I said before, if you want something on in the background that you don’t really want to pay attention to, go for it, but otherwise…just wait for something more exciting.

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Pitbull – Climate Change: God is Dead

Pitbull – Climate Change: God is Dead

This album is something really special. A true musical masterpiece. Do you want to know why I put “God is dead” in the title? Because even the Almighty one was so blown away by Mr. P Bull’s musical talent that he immediately suffered a heart attack. That’s how truly incredible this album is.

Ahaha just kidding, it’s a piece of shit.

If you’re wondering why someone with apparently such a discerning taste in music (yes I am a pretentious twat and what) would listen to something that is evidently designed for a broader audience who don’t really care that much about music, I’ll tell you why.

I was bored and I wanted something to rip into. That’s pretty much it. I also had some kind of grim curiosity as to what a Pitbull album would sound like, having never listened to one before. Obviously I’ve heard him on his countless features with other artists, but I was genuinely interested to see what he could do on his own.

That point was pretty much void as soon as I looked at the track listing and saw that all but one song had at least one feature. Woopy de doo. The featured artists include such luminaries as Robin Thicke (creepiest of the creepier dudes in the music industry), R. Kelly (a nonce), and Enrique Iglesias (Spanish). Now, there’s nothing wrong with having a few features on album, but if you have a total of 16 different artists featuring on 10 different tracks, what’s going to result in an incoherent mess with no one clear defined sound (apart from hearing MR WORLDWIIIDE at the beginning of every fucking song).

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The worst of the Mr Men

Now, to structure this review, I thought I’d do a brief summary of each song in a list format, as most of them don’t offer much to talk about except their blandness or godawfulness.

We Are Strong ft. Kiesza – Shit

Bad Man ft. Robin Thicke and some other randomers – Shit

Greenlight ft. I can’t be arsed – Shit

Ok ok, sorry, I’ll try and take this seriously.

Instead of doing a list, I’ll talk about the songs that really raise the bar in terms of shite.

Bad Man ft. Robin Dickhead, Joe Perry, and Travis Barker – Uninspired, messy, painful instrumentation that underpin a song which is basically about a twat trying to pick up “a goody two-shoes girl”. Slightly creepy vibes. Quite creepy actually. But I mean, what can you expect from a song that features Robin Thicko?

Messin’ Around ft. Enrique Iglesias – Mostly unremarkable but thought I’d put it on here as I genuinely started developing a headache during the horribly noisy chorus.

Sexy Body ft. Jennifer Lopez – This is a cover of the Zara Larsson song of the same name, except with J-Lo instead of Zara and painful Pitbull rapping, which makes it a lot worse than it already was. Seriously, MR WORLDWIIIIDE has as much flow as a river of tar. And also there’s one bit where Lopez just squeals like a pig for no particular reason. Painful.

Freedom – Notable for being the only song which has no features. It’s also the shortest song, funnily enough (and not just by a few seconds, by a good 30-35). This isn’t particularly headache inducing, but fuck me if it isn’t cringey. “I’m free to do what I want, and have a good time” No shit nobcheese, you’re a multimillionaire popstar.

Options ft. Stephen Marley – I was quite interested to hear what the son of the late, great Bob Marley would sound like on this track. It starts off quite promising, with a nice little verse from Stevey boy himself, and the pleasant twanging of a guitar underneath. Unfortunately he then starts singing the chorus. Oh my God. I don’t think I’ve heard a chorus quite as painful for this for a long. His voice is as strained as the National Health Service (OOH, TOPICAL), and there’s definitely some auto tune applied to it. Seriously, if you don’t come away from this song with your ears bleeding after hearing “IGOTIGOTIGOTIGOT OPTIONS” screamed at you numerous times, you’re a stronger person than I.

Educate Ya ft. Jason Derulo – Mainly putting this one on here for the lyric “So sit back, relax and let me lick ya”. Ugh. The whole song’s basically about sex, and I’m surprised it manages to make something so enjoyable sound so fucking dreary. Probably because it follows all the tropes that pop songs about sex tend to encompass (oo ye I’m a bloke I’m good at sex oi maybe bring your fit friend so we can have threesome ehehe I’m not gross) but also throws a faux-romantic vibe on with the Derulo chorus.

Dedicated ft. R Kelly and Austin Mahone – Actually putting this one on here for something positive. I know. Shocking. I don’t mind the instrumental on this. It’s nothing special, it’s generic, but it’s not bad. It gets a B-. The song itself is wank, and R Kelly really can’t sing, but y’know, you’ve gotta find the positives in this big ball of shite.

Lastly of all, why in the name of ever-living fuckity fuck is the album called Climate Change? Is Mr. Bull trying to be edgy? There are literally no political statements on this record (or at least none that I could find) and it’s all just your standard garbage. No comprende, señor.

And that’s all I can be arsed to write for this. Although to be fair, it has been very cathartic. At least it’s easier than talking about an article that’s basically alright but nothing special, because you can rag on all the crap.

Favourite track: Dedicated (if I have to pick one??)

Least favourite tracks: See above, most detestable are Bad Man and Educate Ya

Would I recommend? – If I had a choice between listening to this again and performing a self-castration, the latter would probably be slightly more preferable

Rating: 1.6/10

 

 

Stormzy – Gang Signs & Prayer: Overrated?

Stormzy – Gang Signs & Prayer: Overrated?

Yes, this is a music blog now. I still might do the odd non-music related piece but I need to post more regularly and album reviews are probably the best way to do that. If you’re not that into music. Well. Sucks for you.

So anyway, if you haven’t been living on a different planet for the last month, you’ll know that Stormzy’s released his debut album and everyone’s been pretty much going insane. It’s reached number 1 in the UK charts and everyone and their mums have been raving about it and becoming apprentice roadmen.

I was very excited to give this album a listen, as the last grime record that I gave a try was Wiley’s latest album, ‘Godfather’, which was incredible. Seriously. If you’ve got a friend that’s never liked grime and doesn’t get it, tell them to listen to that album. Pretty much every song on it’s a banger.

I was expecting something similar from ‘Gang Signs & Prayer’, hence my excitement. However, I came away from it fairly disappointed. And I’ll tell you why.

But first, the good stuff. Now I won’t lie, there are some excellent cuts on here. The first single to be released from the album, ‘Big For Your Boots’, is punchy and aggressive (which, in my opinion, is what Stormzy does best) and also had a great music video which provided an insightful social commentary of modern day Britain (more specifically, London). ‘Cold’ is along the same lines, with a fast paced and catchy instrumental the compliments Stormzy’s style very well. ‘Bad Boys’ is slower in pace, but not anymore laid back. The trap influenced instrumental combined with the holy vibes of the low pitched choral backing really brings out the grittiness of this track. J HUS’ and Ghetts’ features are much appreciated, especially the latter with his very distinct voice and staccato delivery contributing to the overall vibe here. ‘Mr Skeng’ is another banger much along the lines of ‘Cold’, with a slightly less high-strung instrumental. ‘Return of the Rucksack’ is another great tune (the line “Then I blow on the riddim like ISIS” never fails to make me chuckle a bit).

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I don’t know why, but this annotation cracks me up.

Yet the majority of songs on this release leave me wanting for more. Stormzy seems to be going for this more deep and personal vibe, romantic in some cases. However for me, it just doesn’t work. Of course, he can do personal very well, as we see in ‘Big for your Boots’, but in these other cuts, it just sounds corny. The instrumentals are all very slow paced, which in itself is not a bad thing, but they feel lethargic when you know that Stormzy is better suited to going at a fast pace. On tracks like ‘100 Bags’ I keep on expecting him to start speeding up and the beat to actually, y’know, move a bit. Alas that doesn’t happen and subsequently I want to go to sleep. In ’21 Gun Salute’ the instrumental is so minimalist. Which isn’t inherently a bad thing. But here it’s just. So. Boring. On the other hand, ‘Blinded By Your Grace’ has an instrumental that feels so bombastic it’s ridiculous. There’s some sort of soulful vibe going on I think? Yet it just feels silly. Speaking of silly, the song ‘Cigarettes and Cush’ makes me cringe. I’m not sure why. It could be the clash of the subject matter (smoking weed ‘n’ all that) and the saccharine instrumental which would be best suited to a slow dance at some crap bar somewhere. Not a rave, not a club, not anywhere else really.

There’s a soulful vibe going through most of this album. However, it doesn’t work to Stormzy’s strengths. I can understand why people like it, and it is interesting that the big man opens up and gets a bit more emotional, rather than threatening to beat people up all the time. In my opinion however, overall, this album is just a bit boring. It’s definitely a disappointment in my eyes but I also look forward to what Stormzy’s going to get up to in the future. He’s got shedloads of talent and that was evident in some of the songs in this album. Again, like I said before, Stormzy is best suited to punchy, fast, and violent grime that buoys people up, as opposed to this slow, uninteresting stuff that makes up most of this album. The lyrical content is interesting, don’t get me wrong. But the instrumentals? Nah. Not my thing.

Before I finish, I would like to say that I am glad that the album’s reached number 1 in the charts. Unlike pretty much everything else on there (with notable exceptions such as Rag ‘n’ Bone Man), it has personality and character. As opposed to the processed garbage that’s being thrown at us by coked-up millionaire pop stars who couldn’t give less of a fuck about producing quality music. Mini rant over.

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Especially the Chainsmokers. Boring bastards.

FINAL RATING: 6.2/10

Favourite tracks: Big For Your Boots, Mr Skeng, Cold, Bad Boys (ft. Ghetts & J HUS), Return of the Rucksack

Least favourite tracks: Cigarettes and Cush (ft. Kehlani), 21 Gun Salute (ft. Wretch 32), Blinded By Your Grace pt.2 (ft. MNEK), Blinded By Your Grace pt.1, Velvet/Jenny Francis – Interlude

#JustMoscowThings

#JustMoscowThings

HAVEN’T DONE THIS IN A WHILE.

Let’s just ignore the fact I’ve not written anything for 3 months and get right into it.

One of the reasons I haven’t written anything for a while is because I’ve been busy settling into Russia after I moved here in early September for the academic year.

“And how’s that going?” I hear you ask. Well I don’t hear you actually, because that’d be strange but you catch my drift.

Well, uh, let’s just say there’s been a few…”teething problems”.

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Despite problem, I am now become true Slav, da?

First of all, the original accommodation we were meant to stay in (the main building of Moscow state university) was full, so we were told, 2 days before we set off to Russia, that we would be in a separate university accommodation. That was fine. I could deal with that. A bit short notice but oh well.

However, when we arrived in the Motherland, we found out our accommodation had been changed. Again. And what was this new accommodation?

A bloody hotel. In the middle of pissing nowhere. Complete with terrible Soviet architecture and slightly very suspect clients. Who would get very pissed in the hotel bar whilst we were there and then have a tendency to ask how much the females of our group “cost”. Creepy Russian men were certainly not a positive of living in the hotel.

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This is the very hotel. If you show this picture to a Leeds Russian student, they will scream and run away.

Then the visas. My word, the visas. If you remember, my last post was a whinge about the bureaucracy required to get the initial visa required for Russia.

Then when we arrived, we would have to then acquire a multiple entry visa. The following interactions ensued with the university administration:

“Hey our visas expire on the 10th October and it’s already October, when do we get our new visas?”

“Oh don’t worry they’ll arrive soon enough.”

“Okay.”

 

“Yo it’s the 5th now and we still haven’t got our visas, are they nearly here?”

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll get them.”

“Fine.”

“Eventually.”

“What?”

 

“Um okay it’s the 9th now and our visas expire tomorrow, will we get them tomorrow?”

“Oh yeah probably.”

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN PROBABLY?”

 

“Right it’s the 10th can we get our visas now?”

“Nope.”

“What!?”

“Don’t have ‘em”

“But you said..!”

“Weeeellllll…we lied.”

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A rare glimpes of one of the administrative staff at Moscow State University

So we lived as illegal immigrants in Russia for one day, and picked up our visas on the 11th. Which didn’t make me paranoid at all. Not one bit. Nope. Wait did you hear that? I think someone’s listening…

Another issue was moving out of the hotel. The novelty of living in a hotel room wore off after approximately 3 days so people started to look for flats to move into ASAP. However, because I am incredibly lazy, it took me and my two prospective flatmates a while to get started on a flat search and it was getting awfully close to having to pay for another month’s rent in the hotel (24 500руб – £300ish? Not sure about exchange rates). Finding a flat in Russia’s really fun. Reaaaaally fun. Lots of cancelled flat viewings, people managing to rent their flat out to someone else even though you only viewed it two hours ago, and general faffing around. Oh and also lots of talking on the phone, which is bad enough in English, let alone in Russian.

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Literally me. Except I’m not bald.

However, we managed it, and are now the proud tenants of a flat that is the definition of the term “Soviet chic”. Everything works though, so all good.

Now for my last whinge today. The deposit. An innocuous word for many people but for me and my coursemates here, it is the definition of bureaucratic hell.

So we had to pay a deposit when we arrived at the hotel, equivalent to one month’s rent. Then when we moved out the hotel, we were meant to get the deposit back. Y’know. Like how a deposit’s meant to work.

However, the hotel seem intent on keeping it. Some of us here have been trying to get it back for basically two months now, and they won’t budge. They just refuse, at the moment, to acknowledge how deposits are meant to work. But we’ve all filled out a form now so hopefully that will sort itself out soon.

And of course, said form was filled out in blue ink, in perfect handwriting, and with no spelling mistakes whatsoever. Because otherwise, according to Russian bureaucracy, if it doesn’t fulfil those criteria, it doesn’t exist.

This isn’t the most detailed list of my complaints, but I doubt anybody wants that, because a) it’d get boring and b) it’d be about 7000 words long.

Now looking at all these problems, you probably get the impression that I’m having a terrible time in Russia.

But that ain’t true.

I love the country, I love the culture, I love (most) of the people, I love the language, and I love Moscow. It is a truly fascinating place, and I am very glad to be here. Also, Moscow is probably the only place where you can go to a club and see someone propped up at the bar, vaping (unironically) and playing Pokemon on his DS, and also in the same club, a man coming in limping on a crutch and then, 10 minutes later, jumping around the dancefloor waving his crutch about like he’s trying to fight off a swarm of angry locust.

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“I love Moscow”. Это правда.

There are many more stories like that, and I’m sure there will be many more to come. I might write about them. Might not. Depends on whether I can be arsed. Big factor that. Arsedness.

Пока пока!

James

 

Thanks Harriet for the couple of photos I’ve nicked off your Facebook, your photography skills are much appreciated fam.

 

Getting a Russian Visa aka The Franz Kafka Experience

Getting a Russian Visa aka The Franz Kafka Experience

Всем привет!

Today I thought I’d give you an insight in the Russian visa application system, seeing as I’ve recently had to go through it to get a student visa for this year. To do this, I thought I’d just provide you with some quotes from the last couple of weeks of faffing about.

So without further ado, let’s begin:

Oh Jesus Christ they want an HIV certificate”

Where do you even get that from?”

Oh bloody fantastic I have to go up to London”

Why do they need FINGERPRINTS!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH”

Oh my God just let me into your bloody country already”

I have to go up to London AGAIN!?

Sorry that costs HOW much!?”

Are you having a laugh!?”

Oh wonderful, another vitally important document that I desperately need has been delayed again”

“No it’s fine I’ll just try and get in illegally, it’ll probably be easier than this bullshit”

Oh no, don’t worry, I know my passport number off by fucking heart at this point”

I mean, the Russian border force will probably waste less of my time than the Visa office”

They want to know EVERY country that I’ve been to in the last 10 years!?”

Lord above, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning and they want me to remember my family holidays from when I was 8 years old”

“WHY!?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH” (I said that one a lot)

I swear to God if I ever meet the Russian immigration minister I am going to hit him

Oh my God the Embassy website is straight out of the 1990s”

I am going to either cry or hit someone in a minute. Or both.”

Why did I even pick Russian?”

Oh yes, because I’m insane.”

And now I’m even more insane because I have to recite my passport number AGAIN!?”

I could probably go on but I’ll leave it there. The next blog posts are probably going to be about Russia so if you’re interested in hearing about that keep an eye out. And if you’re not interested, read them anyway. Please. I live for views on my mediocre blog.

До свидания!

James

 

Is Modern Music Too Well-Made?

Is Modern Music Too Well-Made?

Hello you,

I thought I’d move away from political topics because a) I can’t be arsed and b) current politics can be pretty much summed up with the words “shit’s fucked, yo”.

Now if you’re confused about the title, you’re probably asking how music can be “too well made”.

Well let me explain rather than interrupting me. God. So rude. Learn some manners. Especially you. Yes, you in the corner. Don’t act all shocked. Where are you going with this James just get on with it you nob.

Yes, anyways.

Today’s music is very well produced. We’ve made huge leaps in technology and you can definitely hear the difference that it’s made. The instruments are perfectly clear, with no faults or distortion to be found. The vocals are perfect, crystal clear, hitting every note with perfection. At the moment, the top two singles on the UK singles chart are 1) Cold Water by Major Lazer with appearances from Justin Bieber and MØ (of Lean On fame), and 2) Perfect Strangers (unfortunately not the brilliant song of the same name by Deep Purple) by Jonas Blue (yeah I’ve never heard of him either). These are both perfect examples of what I mean. Produced to oblivion with angelic vocals and squeaky clean beats. They are, technically, musical perfection.

However, they’re both shit songs.

The only word I can think of to describe them is ‘soulless’. Actually ‘generic’ fits quite well. Also ‘passionless’. ‘Garbage’ is another one. But the main term I’d use is soulless. These songs have no character, no life. If they were a living thing, they’d be a shark. Efficient and tuned to perfection, but with a tendency to eat baby seals a ruthless killing machine. In that they will make a killing commercially. Yes I know this metaphor is a stretch, fight me about it.

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Bet you that shark’s listening to Justin Bieber.

I can just imagine it now, the producer making the beat at their workstation, dollar signs flashing in their eyes as they know their song will have so much mass appeal and be so inoffensively mediocre that it’s bound to make a killing. The singers standing behind the microphone in the studio, drugged up to their eyeballs and…wait a minute what am I on about, if they were on drugs the songs might actually attain some level of character. Let’s change that to sedated up to their eyeballs, practically reading off a script written for them by some nob in a business suit who thinks he’s all that. Either that or they wrote it themselves, but whilst they were half-asleep and losing the will to live. Even though the video for Perfect Strangers shows two young people travelling about the world, falling in love, etc., they still manage to make that generic as fuck. To be fair though, it’s so overdone that probably wasn’t a hard thing to do.

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“OK guys, I’ve got this really original idea, we make a song featuring two popular, inoffensive artists that have less soul than Beelzebub himself”

I just cannot imagine a different creative process for these kinds of songs. You can’t imagine the artists doing anything that involves some sort of character or creativity. They weren’t all sitting about in the same room,  brainstorming ideas, engaging with each other, using their souls (“Oi, James, stop writing like a ponce” Oi, you, stop interrupting me). For God’s sake, this music could’ve been produced in a factory, it certainly feels like it was.

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The thought process of everyone in the pop music industry.

Some may disagree with me. And I wouldn’t blame them, I’m probably quite the music supremacist when I think about it, but when I listen to songs like Cold Water, something just feels off. It’s too well made. It’s too perfect. The subject matter is too vague and generic. You just know it was made to cater to the largest audience possible, and thus get the largest amount of revenue as possible.

This doesn’t necessarily go for every mainstream artist. Let’s take Miley Cyrus for example. This argument could be quite a challenging one to try and put forward because her music is, to put it politely, fucking awful, but hear me out.

You could perhaps levy the same accusations about Miley’s music being too well produced, but there is some sort of bizarre character to the vocals at least. She’s not the best singer, in fact, she sounds like a running washing machine with a brick inside of it, but hey, it’s better than sounding like a machine that was specifically designed to be absolutely pitch perfect. And she chooses topics that would not necessarily be chosen by a soulless producer looking for a quick buck, mostly involving sex and the like. I mean, it does come off as rather try-hard but she is trying. Bless her little, slightly completely mental heart.

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The saviour of the music industry? Maybe not. Definitely not actually.

I know the above argument isn’t the strongest, but what can I say, I like a challenge.

Of course, you can listen to whatever you want, I ain’t gonna stop you, but I feel like this is the way mainstream music has been going for a while now, towards this huge, black, abyss of nothingness, blandness, and Major Lazer. And I don’t want it to carry on going down this path, because then more and more people will only hear this overproduced tripe, and will only find out about good, soulful music by actually having to search for it, which, to be honest, most people do already. So that’s kind of a null point. But you catch my drift yeah? Good.

I could go on but that’ll probably suffice. I might do more stuff on this topic. I’m definitely gonna do more music stuff. I like music. It’s great. Sounds ‘n’ shit. Top notch.

I bid ye, adieu.

James

 

Corbynmania: Does Big Jezza deserve the public support he gets?

Corbynmania: Does Big Jezza deserve the public support he gets?

Hello again.

If you can read and have subsequently read the title, you can probably guess that today I’m going to be discussing whether Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is deserving of his massive public support. Whether you like him or not, there is no denying that he has a huge public following.

To give some context to the discussion, I’ll give my opinion on him first. If I was being polite I’d say he seems somewhat naïve, but he does provide something different to the usual textbook politician and he does speak some sense on occasion. If I was feeling less polite I’d say he’s a whinging old man who needs dragging into the 21st century, and who doesn’t seem to have been observing the political landscape of the United Kingdom for the past 40 years.

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Although to be fair to him, he is a Jedi master.

Let’s discuss his policy first. I’m not going to go into much detail because I’m lazy, but if you know British politics, you’ll know Mr. Corbyn sits firmly on the left of the political spectrum. After watching parts of some his speeches on YouTube, I found myself agreeing with a lot of Corbyn’s points. This is because most of his points boiled down to “the Tories are bastards”, which is true. He also detailed various ways in which he would counteract this.

One specific point I’d like to discuss was to bring back the newly created free schools and academies under the control of the local authorities. In theory, a good idea, so it would be easier to make schools all have similar facilities and ensure no one gets an unfair advantage et cetera et cetera. Unfortunately, Mr. Corbyn has failed to mention that a lot of local councils are completely useless when it comes to matters of education. One of my parents is the head teacher at a local school and oversaw it’s conversion into an academy. Why? Because the school was getting toss all aid from the council, but it was sure as hell getting a lot of red tape and bureaucracy. The school isn’t now rolling in money, but it has more independence and has more freedom with the money it has. The Tories didn’t introduce free schools and academies to screw over poor people, despite what the left may have you believe, but they actually did it to help schools. I know. Crazy. Of course it’s not a perfect system, nothing is, and it’s hardly been a complete success, but council-run schools are hardly better.

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However, you can sort of understand the frustration considering this man was in charge of education for 4 years.

Mr. Corbyn also says how big companies need to be taxed more. I totally agree. Unfortunately, we live in a world where that’s not going to happen. If big companies are taxed more, are they going to keep their HQ in Britain and pay higher tax? Of course not! They’ll move to a country with lower corporation tax. Subsequently, the British economy would take a dive. The government would have no money. And the government would need all the money it could get, to implement all the changes Mr. Corbyn wants.

Now, Mr. Corbyn’s policy is all very nice, all very idealist. The problem is, this is why he is unelectable. Britons don’t want idealism. They don’t want radicalism. They want everything to stay nice and boring. Nice and British. As long as the price of teabags doesn’t rise too much, they’re fine. This is why we will always end up electing very boring, very textbook politicians who will tend to be conservative. Britain likes conservatism. It keeps everything the same (at least on the surface). Change is bad for Britons (Mind you, Brexit actually happened so that might completely void my point, but shut up).

One way Mr. Corbyn could maybe inspire a bit more radicalism amongst the British populace is by having a bit oomph than a wet teatowel. I think this may be a British thing but he never gets above an irate tone. This makes him come off as a whinger, rather than someone who is protesting against the evils of the system. Be dynamic! Move! Raise your voice! For God’s sake do something! Start a chant! Stop being so bloody boring!

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A photo of the audience of Corbyn’s last speech.

Take, for example, Russian anti-corruption activist Aleksey Navalny. Watch this video from 2:10 to 3:15 (don’t worry about not understanding him, that’s not the point). He’s dynamic, he’s loud, he projects, he gets the crowd going, he’s passionate, and that’s not just in that part of the video, that continues throughout the whole thing. He’s everything that Mr. Corbyn does not seem to be.

Mr. Corbyn also should probably be a bit more careful who he appoints. His spin doctor, Seumas Milne, is quoted as saying in 2006:

“For all its brutalities and failures, communism in the Soviet Union, eastern Europe and elsewhere delivered rapid industrialisation, mass education, job security and huge advances in social and gender equality. It encompassed genuine idealism and commitment (James says: HAHAHAHAHA are you fucking serious?)… Its existence helped to drive up welfare standards in the west, boosted the anticolonial movement and provided a powerful counterweight to western global domination.”

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“Genuine idealism and commitment” apparently means gulags.

I’d like to see Mr. Milne go to the former Eastern Bloc and profess the joys and wonders of the Soviet Union and its satellites to those still suffering from the hangover of the communist era (and also to the millions upon millions of people who died under the rule of communist nutjobs). The mentalist.

Mr. Corbyn also needs to pick his words more carefully. Comparing Israel to Daesh is a bit of a stretch, Jezza. I’m not saying Israel are in the right, they’re being right dickheads to Palestine, but at the same time they’re showing the highest level of economic and social development in the Middle East and are way ahead of most other Middle Eastern countries.

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Israel haven’t been doing any beheadings lately either.

As a final thought, many people go on about how Mr. Corbyn is real, unlike other politicans, and is actually honest and human compared to other politicians. Do you know which other politician people applied these qualities to? Nigel bloody Farage. Just think about it. It’s an interesting left/right parallel.

UK Independence Party (UKIP) leader Farage speaks during an interview with Reuters in London
“So charismatic and honest! He’s so different from the others!”

Anyways, that’s enough of that. If you disagree with me, cool, but don’t expect to change my opinion any time soon.

Until next time.

James

Quick note because I couldn’t fit this in anywhere else: I find it abhorrent that the Labour party have increased the joining fee from £3 to £25 so as to prevent more people from voting for Corbyn in the leadership contest. It is a disgusting perversion of democracy and whoever came up with it should be shot. Or at least given a very stern telling off.

Edit 13/11/2016:

I feel that I’ve been rather unfair to Corbyn in this post. He does seem like a genuine person, and a decent bloke. However, I still stand by the fact that he is an unsuitable leader for Labour, mainly due to the divisiveness which he has caused.